Stacked, Packed, and Ready to Attack: PR 7.3

Hello pretty people!!! I need to exorcise the stank of Rush “Tater Tot” Limbaugh from my homepage, so I thought, what BETTER than a flood of PR snark?!? Join me and my dear lovely ladyfriends Big Red and Iris Tramm as we tap a box and hash out WTF happened last week on PR…

Hey females. Sorry it took me so long to get my shit together and convene this confabulousness. Anyhow, how are your nachos? More chili? And what the hell do you think about last week’s PR?

Big Red:  I cannot believe there was any question about who should go home between the four designers declared the worst scores (although I will completely disagree about whether those were, in fact, the worst designs).  I’m am nauseatingly HORRIFIED about who the winner was.  Wtf?  I’ll say it again with emphasis:  WTF!?!?!?!  I swear to Dog that I thought the winner was going to be the loser.  I’m completely shocked. That 80s-inspired ridiculous monstrosity of a coat was one of the most unwearable designs I’ve ever seen.  Street-chic circa 1990, MAYBE.

And their “look for less”???  No normal sized woman wants a dress with that much volume below the boobs.  Seriously, both teams that had the “best” designs were what I would have said were either the hideously awful worst or a complete snore.    Last week’s “winner” was about the most unfair, just plain wrong decision I think I’ve seen in the history of PR.

And Ping….Ahhhhh…Ping.  While her design was less awful than her past two designs, I think Ping needed to go because it was very clear she just doesn’t have the technical skills.  How can you come on a design show and not know how to sew?  (I love how Jesse said he was just trying to rein in the crazy).  Jesse didn’t throw her under the bus completely (which he could have) but he did, rightfully so, indicate she doesn’t know what she is doing.  And the model backed him up.  Good.  I don’t know how the judges could have possibly thought there was another option for auf’ing.  (And Emilio comparing Ping and Jesse to Ricky and Lucy is an insult to Ricky and Lucy).

That said, I admired how Seth Aaron (WTF kind of name is Seth Aaron, though) stood behind Anthony and the design; he said, well, it wasn’t my design or vision but I worked hard on it and I stand by it.  I didn’t like their yellow/black dress (mostly because personally I think that color combo is just too reminiscent of a bumble bee), but I didn’t hate it as much as the judges did.   And while I thought their “look for less” outfit was a bit matronly, I didn’t think it looked cheap; it just looked like something an aging dowager would wear to a dinner party.  And I think Anthony could be the new bring-the-crazy ratings draw.

I’m also frequently distracted by how much that Maya looks like Christina Ricci.  Jay, stop showing your waxed chest and stop relying on your immunity when you have a partner whose continued presence very well could depend upon your effort.

And again, the challenges…..Lifetime needs to hire the Bravo creative team.  where is the challenge here?  make a couture dress?  with more money than we’ve ever given contestants?  And then make a look for less?  as a team?  Seriously?  That is the best you can come up with?  I think the three of us could come up with FAR better challenges than this…

Iris Tramm:  I’m officially calling it.  Shark, jumped.  Seriously.  I can’t take anymore of these stupid design “challenges”.  All of them get scare quotes heretoforward unless I see some corn husks incorporated into a dress pronto.  Here’s some money, A LOT of money, go make a garment.  C’mon, STOP!  This isn’t interesting.  This time there wasn’t even a gratuitious mud field, just money and Mood. Remember the last time they made the designers do couture?  They flew them TO FRANCE.  To consult with CATHERINE MALANDRINO.  And then they had a fashion show ON A BOAT ON THE SEINE.  Lifetime needs to call up the Happy Little Elves or the Magical Little Elves or whomever it was that produced the Bravo version, because this is BORING — New York, Orange Kors, and Nina notwithstanding.

Other thoughts:

I LOVE Anthony (“Stop acting up in front of company.”), but he doesn’t have the design chops to be the next Christian Sirano.

Ping deserved the aufing.  Both garments were awful.

The winning design was well made, but WAS SPORTSWEAR, not couture.  Also made me think of Nagaina, the female cobra in Rikki Tikki Tavi.  (I know it’s horrible, colonialist dreck, but I LOVE that cartoon.  Must be the Orson Welles.)

Is there any other way to use the Bluefly.com wall than “thoughtfully”?  Tim needs some new catchphrases.

SFL:  The winning look? I am pretty sure I couldn’t even sell that back in 1993 when I worked at Contempo Casuals. And I sold the HELL out of some white lace bike shorts back in the day. So you KNOW I had some quality ladies (and gentlemen) on my hit customer list. Other than that, maybe it’s the tequila and chili, or the fact that I waited 6 days to write this, but I can’t remember a DAMN thing. Except for Anthony and his never ending Designing Women-esque quips of awesomeness.

I CHALLENGE Lifetime to see if they can make the challenges even less challenging. And less memorable. In fact, I DARE them to try. I know they won’t disappoint us and fail to disappoint. Jerkasses took a hugely popular show with a runs-itself-to-fabulous-perfection premise and  Monsieur Gunn and La Klum – two of the most perfectly perfect people – and somehow managed to fuck it up 12 ways from Sunday until the whole thing just oozes yawn and, I don’t know, what’s the current symbol of corporate mediocrity? Lunchables?

Arggg…

Maybe this will make it better…

Tim Gunn Understands You

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2 Comments

  1. Dr. Monkey said,

    February 3, 2010 at 10:56 pm

    I hated Ping from day one. I’m not a fan of Seth Aaron but he does get major props for being a stand up guy and standing his team leader. I’m all in for Emilio and Maya to make it to the final three.

  2. Iris Tramm said,

    February 4, 2010 at 8:54 am

    Tim in a tux makes EVERYTHING better.

    *swoon*

    (Confession: I owned a pair of white lace pedal pushers in 1986 and people thought they were the coolest thing EVER.)


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