If/Then FAIL

I am guessing that Amazon didn’t score very high on the SATs, based on the following email it sent me early this morning:

Dear Amazon.com Customer,

As someone who has purchased or rated Lego Rock Band, you might like to know that The Bachelor: The Videogame will be released on June 8, 2010.  You can pre-order yours by following the link below.

The Bachelor: The Videogame The Bachelor Videogame
Warner Bros

Price: $29.99

Release Date: June 8, 2010

Platform: Nintendo Wii

Product Description
The quest for love doesn’t have to end after the show’s final rose. Now, you can experience the excitement of the TV show in your very own adventure and compete for the affections of The Bachelor or The Bachelorette! It’s up to you to make an impression that will leave your suitor with only one option…to offer you the final rose!

“As you have purchased Lego Rock Band, logic clearly dictates that you or perhaps the 10 year old boy for whom you bought Lego Rock Band must also be foaming at the mouth to play a video game based on a reality show where a bunch of crazy drunk whores fight over a giant douchenozzle…”

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7 Comments

  1. May 25, 2010 at 4:26 pm

    HOOOOOLY FUCK BATMAN.
    It is the Apocalypse.

  2. May 26, 2010 at 9:55 am

    How is there a “Bachelor” video game? What button do you press to shed your self-esteem?

  3. southern female lawyer said,

    May 26, 2010 at 10:13 am

    I think you have to use the nunchuck and punch yourself repeatedly in the soul.

    And what sort of “impression” can you make with the dude? I am assuming the Wii fit board comes into play somehow, unless the Bachelor game comes with special Wii kneepads.

  4. May 26, 2010 at 4:18 pm

    Back in the 8th grade we all had to take these stupid aptitude tests to help us determine which careers we were best suited for. It was supposed to help those of us who by 8th grade had not yet determined what we wanted to be when we grew up, the idea being to help us narrow down our course of study. If our aptitude tests said we would make good doctors and lawyers — in other words, college bound– then it would determine which course track we’d take in 9th and 10th grade. If we were headed to being auto mechanics, then we’d take a course load heavy in shop classes. It was entirely bogus and sexist and inaccurate, and the funniest thing is that for every single one of us our #1 and #2 choices were military service and ministry. This was a public school, mind you.

    I told my mom about it when I got home and she said, “oh yeah, we had to take that test when I was your age, too. And we all were pre-selected for military service and ministry, too.”

    Heh.

    Your post made me think of that.

  5. May 26, 2010 at 4:19 pm

    And more on topic … Tina Fey’s SNL fauxmmercial, “Brownie Husband,” seems like a better alternative for anyone wanting The Bachelor video game. At least there’s some chocolate.

  6. JJ said,

    May 26, 2010 at 9:12 pm

    LMAO!

  7. Laurie said,

    May 31, 2010 at 12:48 pm

    That could possibly be the world’s lamest video game. EVER!


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