Harold Hill, Esq.

Any drone that has ever toiled away in insurance defense or appellate work is only too familiar with the following scenario:

Partner hands you an utter shit salad of a case:  Claimant successfully sues/sued for injuries for which your client is clearly and unequivocally liable and has absolutely no serious defense in fact or in law. Partner now tells you to draft responsive pleadings/responsive appellate briefs – a task that is fraught with peril, given that if one sticks to the actual facts of the case and applies the actual law, your response is likely to incur the wrath of the judge and result in sanctions.

I was in this position approximately eleventy billion times over the course of my mini-career as an associate. After a while, you actually learn how to analyze a set of facts and law to find the tiniest snag so that you can pick it open and blow it up, conflate it into something favorable to you, and then use semantics, tone, and rhetoric to guide your reader/listener to a conclusion that you are unquestionably correct, even though the law, facts, reality, and common sense would dictate otherwise.

I actually developed some serious skills in crafting viable arguments in the face of such factual/legal paucity. And yes, I actually won a few times. More than a few. I can’t tell you how proud I was to be the Queen of Pulling It Out Of My Ass.

So believe me when I say, I know the difference between an argument grounded in reality and an argument grounded in ‘holy shit I can’t be wrong because I told the client I could win this and now I’m totally fucked and this whole argument is bullshit and I should just admit I was wrong but there is no way in hell I am going to do that so I suppose I will just bellow even louder in the hopes that people think that I *must* be right because if I weren’t I would have shut up long long ago.’

This, readers, would be the latter:

Sarah Palin: Extreme Enviros: Drill, Baby, Drill in ANWR – Now Do You Get It?

Sarah Palin’s Notes  Yesterday at 3:17pm

This is a message to extreme “environmentalists” who hypocritically protest domestic energy production offshore and onshore. There is nothing “clean and green” about your efforts. Look, here’s the deal: when you lock up our land, you outsource jobs and opportunity away from America and into foreign countries that are making us beholden to them. Some of these countries don’t like America. Some of these countries don’t care for planet earth like we do – as evidenced by our stricter environmental standards.

With your nonsensical efforts to lock up safer drilling areas, all you’re doing is outsourcing energy development, which makes us more controlled by foreign countries, less safe, and less prosperous on a dirtier planet. Your hypocrisy is showing. You’re not preventing environmental hazards; you’re outsourcing them and making drilling more dangerous.

Extreme deep water drilling is not the preferred choice to meet our country’s energy needs, but your protests and lawsuits and lies about onshore and shallow water drilling have locked up safer areas. It’s catching up with you. The tragic, unprecedented deep water Gulf oil spill proves it.

We need permission to drill in safer areas, including the uninhabited arctic land of ANWR. It takes just a tiny footprint – equivalent to the size of LA’s airport – to tap America’s rich and plentiful oil and gas up north. ANWR’s drilling footprint is like a postage stamp on a football field.

But it’s not just ANWR; it’s our Petroleum Reserve, too. As Governor Sean Parnell noted today in the Wall Street Journal:

“Federal agencies are also now blocking oil development in the National Petroleum Reserve—Alaska.

Although familiar with ANWR, most Americans are less likely to know about NPR-A and how vital it is to our energy security. Given recent developments, it’s time to elevate the position this area holds in our national discourse.

NPR-A, a 23 million acre stretch of Alaska’s North Slope, was set aside by President Warren Harding in 1923 for the specific purpose of supplying our country and military with oil and gas. Since 1976 it has been administered by the Department of the Interior, and since 1980 it has been theoretically open for development. The most recent estimates indicate that it holds 12 billion barrels of oil and 73 trillion cubic feet of natural gas.

In addition to containing enormous hydrocarbons, NPR-A is very close to the Trans-Alaska Pipeline, which means that there would be relatively little additional infrastructure needed to bring this new oil to our domestic market.

But even here, progress has been stalled.”

Radical environmentalists: you are damaging the planet with your efforts to lock up safer drilling areas. There’s nothing clean and green about your misguided, nonsensical radicalism, and Americans are on to you as we question your true motives.

– Sarah Palin

Ahhh, clever work, Ms. Palin (or should I say, Nameless Peon Whose Thankless Job It Is To Manage Sarah Palin’s Facebook Page). I see you have chosen my favorite weapon – the ‘I Know You Are But What Am I?’ nunchucks.  “Extreme enviros” are actually out to destroy the environment – such delicious irony! Oooo – and the exquisite (if ubiquitous) knife in the gut accusation of being unAmerican.  “Using semantics, tone, and rhetoric to guide your reader,” indeed.

So, well played Nameless Peon Whose Thankless Job It Is To Manage Sarah Palin’s Facebook Page. And don’t worry about being out of work when Ms. Palin’s crazypants float off into the rainbow sherbet sunset of lost dreams – you have a bright future ahead of you in appellate insurance defense.

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10 Comments

  1. Kari said,

    June 3, 2010 at 3:03 pm

    Sarah Palin and her latest “thoughts” make me so angry that my fingers involuntarily curl and want to tear at my own flesh like the Incredible Hulk. I have two posts in draft about her right now, but they are just histrionics in italics, large font, and way too much Caps Lock. Since you have so nicely and logically written about it, I’ll just link to this post instead. Well played.

  2. JJ said,

    June 3, 2010 at 3:18 pm

    But I still want to read Kari’s rants!

  3. June 3, 2010 at 3:46 pm

    I just read one of those insurance defense briefs today. I was like, you actually submitted this to the court? Really? I wouldn’t want to put my signature on the bottom of that steaming turd.

    Sarah Palin is only slightly smarter than her followers. And that fact makes me very sad for humanity.

  4. southern female lawyer said,

    June 3, 2010 at 7:39 pm

    Palin Talking Points:

    (1). People who try to make the world a better place for people by attempting to halt corporate plunder are actually motivated by something evil and rotten.

    (2). If you try to keep corporations from fucking up the planet one way, they will do it another way and then it is YOUR FAULT.

    (3). And if you don’t let corporations fuck up shit here in America, you are driving them to go fuck up shit in other countries – countries that hate America, so you are greedy and unAmerican.

    (4). So, in summary, good, real, God-fearing, flag-waving, freedom-loving Americans! Do the right thing – just remain there on your collective fat ass! Keep driving those cars! Keep thinking that “those” people are the real problem! And, most importantly, keep swallowing every ladle-full of hot steaming duplicitous crap that is being fed to you by unctuous sock puppets like myself! God Bless and good luck trying to keep your family fed and healthy in the next few decades – if you can’t, remember – it’s YOUR fault!

  5. Nance Confer said,

    June 4, 2010 at 5:17 am

    The President was just on the news talking about being angry but needing to focus on helping the Gulf people “salvage their way of life.”

    Yesterday morning, NPR had a series of Gulf residents unhappy that oil drilling had been stopped (kind of. . .not really. . but enough to upset these folks).

    Their “way of life” is completely dependent on the oil industry. And fishing and tourism. But it’s the oil money — the large amounts of oil money — that funds this “way of life,” according to these residents.

    So, I’m not so sure salvaging this is a good thing. Why aren’t we cleaning up this way of life and moving on to better things — wind farms in the Gulf? — instead of fighting to have this poison just off of our shores as opposed to just off of some other poor country’s shores.

    Seems like we are fighting over scraps. And Palin and pals continue to suck up all the oxygen and keep bringing the discussion back to their fight instead of what we should be working toward.

  6. musicmom1956 said,

    June 4, 2010 at 6:17 pm

    I have been so busy with my job that I am just now catching up on my recreational reading. I first saw this at HuffPo and decided to click on the Facebook link. Fuck me running- the comment post of her supporters are as stupid as she is. This oil spill makes me physically sick. I live on a large piece of land in “coal” country- we could strip mine- sell it and make money. We choose not to because it would damage the wildlife and vegetation. This place is my Heaven and just because it is there does not mean I have a right to it. They stopped making land and water a long time ago we were left in charge to care for it so it can be enjoyed by future inhabitants. Unfortunately unless this spill is stopped no one will get to enjoy the Gulf coast treasures. Call me one of the extreme crazies but I will not take the blame from Sarah or anyone of her kind for a big corporate fuck up in the name of profit-“drill baby drill=kill baby kill”

  7. JJ said,

    June 4, 2010 at 6:31 pm

    Musicmom, unlike some states FL chose not to allow this to ruin our beautiful lands, either. It was done to us against our will. So much for “states’ rights” rhetoric . . .

  8. musicmom1956 said,

    June 5, 2010 at 10:46 am

    JJ it is mho that states only have rights when the controlling party says they do! (and by controlling I mean “corporate $$” because it does not matter which side of the political fence you are on- only the amount of $$ you receive– that is what drives all of this insanity!). Bravo to those concerned enough about your beautiful lands to try to protect it for all to enjoy and I am deeply sorry you all got screwed! Real Americans that truely LOVE America and all that it offers would not let this happen-NFW!!!

  9. JJ said,

    June 5, 2010 at 5:34 pm

    Thanks MM. 😀

  10. llmm said,

    June 12, 2010 at 9:40 am

    Hey! Don’t know about that particular hybrid car (in the photo), but mine (a smaller crossover/suv) gets 30mpg. That’s waaay better than many. My other choice was to buy the same crap they’ve been sellin’ for years. Or to buy the super nice, Lexus 470 which gets 12mpg.

    So, you may think it’s “not helping”, but it is still better than most other choices. Sheesh.


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