SouthernFemaleLawyer

One of my favorite insanity troughs, as most readers know, is the comments section for the online edition of local future-gerbil-bedding Kingsport Times-News. These halls of bad grammar, ALLCAPSRANTINGS, mind-blowing bigotry, and proud ignorance have been depressing me as well as providing me with mockery fodder for several years now. Unfortunately, one of the perfectly reasonable conclusions that one may draw after perusing said embarrassment is that we, the locals, are overwhelmingly incredibly ignorant bigots whose grammar, basic reasoning, and life skills are so poor, it is a wonder we managed to crawl over the meth labs, trampolines, outhouses, spitoons, and fatheruncles to get to the computer.

Nay, Gentle Reader. It is not so. There are many intelligent, thoughtful, and civilized people in these parts. I have even *met* some of them via the Kingsport Times-News comment section (Celeste!). But lest you disbelieve me, and think (as I sometimes fear) that these parts are chock-full of naught but Fox-watching omniphobes, I present this awesome Letter to the Editor and our Local WIN:

Why hasn’t Obama fixed leak yet?

Published June 2nd, 2010

It is appalling that Barack Obama has not geared up and gone down and capped the leaking BP oil well. Everyone knows he could have already if he weren’t intent on stalling to try to make the poor, honorable oil industry look bad, and it wouldn’t have happened in the first place if he were doing a better job personally inspecting the offshore oil drilling adherence to safety regulations as he should have been in his spare time. Instead, there have been weeks wasted with only dozens of engineers, scientists, oil industry experts, and government officials helplessly flailing around without his supervision trying to come up with ideas on how to cap the mile-deep leak, while except for two measly presidential visits, Obama has been impeding their progress by coldly staying out of their way and sadistically denying the Gulf Coast states governors access to the ultimate scapegoat symbol of the evil federal government they love to ridicule.

Or, that’s what I think I was told to think by most of the people getting on TV “news” shows because they’ve got something — anything — whatever to say. I assume it’s true, and I don’t owe any intellectual royalties on it.

Ron Dingus

Kingsport

Ron Dingus – you, sir, are truly a pie-worthy Local WIN.

Ron Dingus - This Pie Is For You