Dear Pat Robertson/Random Awesomeness

The SFL Random Awesomeness of the Week Award goes out to Lily Coyle of Minneapolis for the elegantly ghost-written letter to Pat Robertson from Satan, found here in the Star Tribune:

Dear Pat Robertson,

I know that you know that all press is good press, so I appreciate the shout-out. And you make God look like a big mean bully who kicks people when they are down, so I’m all over that action. But when you say that Haiti has made a pact with me, it is totally humiliating. I may be evil incarnate, but I’m no welcher. The way you put it, making a deal with me leaves folks desperate and impoverished. Sure, in the afterlife, but when I strike bargains with people, they first get something here on earth — glamour, beauty, talent, wealth, fame, glory, a golden fiddle. Those Haitians have nothing, and I mean nothing. And that was before the earthquake. Haven’t you seen “Crossroads”? Or “Damn Yankees”? If I had a thing going with Haiti, there’d be lots of banks, skyscrapers, SUVs, exclusive night clubs, Botox — that kind of thing. An 80 percent poverty rate is so not my style. Nothing against it — I’m just saying: Not how I roll. You’re doing great work, Pat, and I don’t want to clip your wings — just, come on, you’re making me look bad. And not the good kind of bad. Keep blaming God. That’s working. But leave me out of it, please. Or we may need to renegotiate your own contract. Best, Satan


H/T to the ever awesome Lawyers, Guns and Money .


  1. Laci the Dog said,

    January 16, 2010 at 3:30 pm

    As I said in another blog, I was there when I was in the Army in 1986. The place was dirt poor with barren hills. It was the closest thing to being in an African country as you can get in the Western Hemisphere.

    Send a donation to Medecins Sans Frontiers if you want to help. That’s what I did.

    I have to say, couldn’t Robertson be making a mistake, the country that made a pact with the Devil for its Independence was the US. Couldn’t that explain how this country can be so wealthy, yet so screwed up? Ever see Bedazzled (the Original Perter Cook and Dudley Moore version, not the later remake)? The devil gives you riches and what else you want, but there is usually a catch.

    The last scene in the convent is a sscream.

  2. mikeb302000 said,

    January 17, 2010 at 8:04 am

    That’s a funny and thought provoking letter from Satan. I enjoyed it very much especially the punch line about Pat Robertson having made a deal himself.

  3. mike w. said,

    January 17, 2010 at 3:54 pm

    Heh I love it.

    Robertson is an asshole.

  4. michaelg said,

    January 17, 2010 at 4:46 pm

    That is so great, I just may steal it for my blog. :o)

  5. Celeste Peck said,

    January 17, 2010 at 5:05 pm

    LOVE it! Thank you for sharing.

  6. southern female lawyer said,

    January 18, 2010 at 10:02 am

    And just in case anyone missed it, this was a letter to the editor. I’ve got to give some accolades to the Minn Star for printing this. And feel free to link it on.

    And it’s got to make you wonder – what can Robertson possibly do next? Eat a baby? Seriously. I think you have to try pretty damn hard to be this odious.

  7. Juliet said,

    January 25, 2010 at 10:55 pm

    Great find!

    I am really enjoying your blog. As soon as Google finishes with its current maintenance (hopefully tomorrow as everything is disabled right now) and I can update my bLAWg Roll I am adding you into it so that I don’t forget to visit often. 🙂

  8. M. Wilson said,

    August 10, 2014 at 5:07 pm

    You are not entitled to an opinion about millions of people that you don’t know, have never met and don’t know a single thing about. Your opinions are essentially guesses that have zero value.

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