Your Lack of Adoration is Making Glenn Beck Cry

You people disgust me. Glenn Beck has given you the greatest gift of all time – and what do you ungrateful jackasses do? Ignore him. Nice work, assholes. Only 17 people in Boston and New York had the balls to stand up for what is right and good and true and wonderful.  SEVENTEEN.

Glenn Beck Cries A Lot

Where were the rest of you? What is your problem, people? And it isn’t like there was a Palin turkey shoot Glamour Shots session KKK flea market book signing anywhere nearby to distract you. What – are you just too cheap to shell out $20 for some redemption? Are you afraid that you will cry? Maybe you are one of those “Happy Holidays!” people.

No – WAIT – I know. You HATE AMERICA.



  1. December 8, 2009 at 11:04 pm

    Of course, I plan on seeing it. I find myself attracted to Glenn Beck in a deviant sort of way. It’s the crying that does it. I’d definitely make Glenn Beck cry. Cry, Glenn Beck, cry!

  2. Lost Sea said,

    December 9, 2009 at 8:48 am

    I’m waiting on the audio version (on 8 track of course) cause I cant reed.

  3. (O)CT(O)PUS said,

    December 9, 2009 at 10:50 am

    Next thrill: Pull off his wings, torment him even further! What is it about Pain-the-neck-Beck that brings out the sadist in me?

  4. SevenCell said,

    December 9, 2009 at 10:08 pm

    OK…So shamelessly goaded forth by your link I decided to enlighten myself as to the touchingly momentous touching of which you enlightened; and needless to say I was moved…not touched…more than touched…moved. And after I had sat upon the royal throne of enlightenment and moved, I scratched…not touched…scratched…my head…and thought: “How touching! Now I remember why I forgot Glenn Beck!” but upon one question I was never quite clear: Did he touch himself?

    Your adoring fan

  5. Snad said,

    December 10, 2009 at 6:51 pm

    I feel all warm and fuzzy inside now. Thank you!

  6. Snad said,

    December 10, 2009 at 6:57 pm

    By the way – he doesn’t look like he’s crying in this photo so much as getting caught in the middle of a proctological exam, which, frankly, makes me feel even warmer and fuzzier, in a shadenfraude kind of way.

  7. Snad said,

    December 10, 2009 at 6:58 pm

    make that “schadenfreude”

  8. Peter said,

    January 8, 2010 at 4:10 pm

    I have higher standards, and unless Mr. Beck is gonna wear those uber-sexy lederhosen while waving around a brandy snifter full of M&Ms, I’m not interested. 🙂

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