Conservative Gift Basket Ideas

Need to give a gift to a dear conservative friend/relative/newspaper delivery kid, but have NO idea what they are into? Never fear – SFL has got you covered. I suggest you go with the “gift basket” approach – because who DOESN’T love opening up one gift, only to find that it is actually many gifts. Well, maybe this guy. But most people – yes, even conservative – are delighted to receive a vessel full of gifts that have been thoughtfully hand-picked to thrill, amuse, and inebriate the recipient.

First, you will need something to delight the eye. In light of the holiday season, I suggest something red:

Note I said something “red,” not something “read.” I know that this is made even more confusing by the fact that, technically speaking, this is a “book.” (note the review by the very excellent J.C. Patriot). But from what I read, it would appear that this isn’t so much a book, as it is an idea of what a book should be as dreamed up by people who generally do not like books, facts, logic, editing, or character development. Much like Ms. Palin isn’t so much a leader as she is an idea of what a leader should be as dreamed up by people who generally do not like books, facts, logic, editing, or character development.

Okay, good.

So now that we have dazzled the eye, how ’bout a little something for the brain?

At last! Something for those who miss the good ol’ days of Bush I and Nixon AND appreciate the good ol’ challenge of a puzzle, unlike some nasty liberals who have to make fun of everything. This challenging mind-game is based on a lovingly-rendered painting of our treasured Republican presidents in the style of that calendar guy and the guy who totally captured the good ol’days that we never actually experienced and now never will thanks to socialism.

Now we need a little treat. How about something that reminds us of the reason for the season?

Yeah – I know. These are totally awesome. But unfortunately, they are not yet available for commercial purchase. I suppose you could go with the OFFICIAL Jesus cookie, but I think it would be nicer and more thoughtful if you rolled up your sleeves and made your own cookies.*

And, of course, no holiday gift basket is complete without booze:

just awesome.

And last, something to make them laugh.

Might I suggest that you avoid the audio version, as I understand that just the sound of Gore’s voice is enough to fill people with rage and crazy.

*NOTE:  While most of the gift ideas in this blog are sprinkled with snark, the cookie suggestion is straightforward. Baking, in any literal form, rules, and there is nothing nicer than taking the time to actually MAKE something for someone else.  Also, I must point out that I really really like that cookie cutter set.


  1. Dr. Monkey said,

    November 29, 2009 at 5:15 pm

    Great ideas, too bad I cut all the conservatives out of my life years ago.

  2. Snad said,

    November 29, 2009 at 5:56 pm

    I totally love the crucifix cake. I’m thinin’ about making one for our church Christmas dinner! I refuse, however, to spend a penny that would go into the Regal Rogue of Rouge’s pocket.

  3. (O)CT(O)PUS said,

    November 29, 2009 at 8:05 pm

    Don’t forget venomous snakes and poisonous spiders hidden in the fruit basket.

  4. Rob said,

    November 29, 2009 at 8:43 pm

    Ooooh, that puzzle! Now I know what art to buy you for Christmas.

  5. Septima said,

    November 29, 2009 at 8:53 pm

    Hahaha, but remember all you homebakers to sub buttercream for caramel. ‘Cause ain’t no redneck gonna like gettin’ a brown Jesus.

  6. CP said,

    November 29, 2009 at 10:13 pm

    Nice post dear, but I think Jesus is supposed to be white.

  7. Mo said,

    November 29, 2009 at 10:28 pm

    So how did Dr. Monkey manage such a feat? Thank you for the suggestions for the conservative close to my heart. Now I know for sure what to get that person!! You are so right on!

  8. Maggie said,

    November 30, 2009 at 9:28 am

    I’ve found a gift donation, made in their name, to the DNC or Planned Parenthood shows them how much I care. And I do.

  9. Margaret said,

    November 30, 2009 at 12:48 pm

    The Jesus cookie needs a rethinking. There’s something disturbing about Jesus’s loincloth being made of white buttercream. Also, the Jesus figure is red, which will make hasty viewers think he’s Native American, whereas we know he’s really a blue-eyed WASP/redneck like us.

  10. reithena said,

    November 30, 2009 at 2:02 pm

    The sad thing is that I can’t tell if you are serious or joking with this…the gifts are serious but the commentary made me laugh so hard! Ah well I know what to get my future in-laws now…

  11. GiftGuide said,

    November 30, 2009 at 8:27 pm

    nice ideas i always fall short in this niche. thanks for the article

  12. Courtney said,

    December 1, 2009 at 7:15 pm

    Why not make a donation to Planned Parenthood or the Socialist USA party in their honor?

  13. December 1, 2009 at 8:11 pm

    […] See the rest here: Conservative Gift Basket Ideas « SouthernFemaleLawyer […]

  14. Joe P. said,

    December 5, 2009 at 9:17 am

    hmmm … that painting sorta looks like those ex-presidents are all laughing AT Lincoln. did they all just cheat him out of poker winnings? did he say something about America which struck them as hilariously stupid?

  15. brandy said,

    December 15, 2009 at 5:40 pm

    Great ideas thank you..

  16. Jonathan said,

    January 5, 2010 at 12:57 am

    I have no idea how I missed this full post. Ah well, now I’ve got several birthdays taken care of for the new year. I am quite surprised, though, not even ONE review as to ones’ satisfaction after purchasing the painting puzzle.

  17. September 9, 2011 at 6:57 pm

    Hey, I added your link: to my blog under the title Conservative Gift Basket Ideas SouthernFemaleLawyer.

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