Oh HELL yes – I totally know what what I am getting people for Christmas:
It’s like the Vagina Monologues, except instead of empowering millions of women, it empowers Glenn Beck!
*First, the singing of the glorious music by people who are not Glenn Beck but have no doubt been touched by him.
Then Glenn Beck himself will ascend to the stage, surrounded by real life-living people whose lives he has touchingly touched and Glenn Beck will tell these lovingly touched real life-living people about the real life events that inspired him to write about the real life events of struggling and brink-bringing-back-from and the restoring and the whatnot.
Then there will also be the sharing of the overwhelming stories of people whose real lives have been literally changed and touched lovingly, redemption-wise, what with the bringing back of some of them from literal brinks and the restoring of the real-life family relationships and such as. There will be the tellings of the struggles with the brink of collapse at the mouth of the abyss and how all were brought back to revisit the redemption by the life-changing impact of The Christmas Sweater’s message, which has been had on people all over the country.
Then, Glenn Beck will bestow a simple gift on all the real-life living sharing sharers which is the literal gift of showing you a re-mastered, lovingly retouched and literally exclusive version of The Christmas Sweater, which is not actually a sweater but an experience of the allegory of the struggles and redemption. Afterward, there will be even more of the literal introducing of the real life livers who were literally touched by the re-telling of the retouched touching story and then you will be shared with the story as you experience their intimate journey of transformation through the simple gift of life-sharing brink-saving redemption. In closing, Glenn Beck will be touchingly love-lifted and touched by the literal premier voices of redemption and you may share in the simple gift of the watching Glenn Beck’s literal ascension to the heights of uplifting raisings and the rousers of the music.
This incredibly uplifting raising of the life-affirming literal brink-leaving of Glenn Beck celebration will be simulcast to HD movie theatres all over the country. Join Glenn Beck and the life-living touchingly touched people he has literally touched for the next evolution of The Christmas Sweater and see for yourself why critics and audiences alike are heralding Glenn Beck as a new American classic. This is a once in a lifetime event, and a perfect way to celebrate the true meaning of Glenn Beck with your entire family from the comfort of your local movie theatre.
*This lovingly re-touched telling of the heralding of the story of how we all may experience the redemption of Glenn Beck was taken from the literal true places of selling the experience and then saved from the brink of the abyss of collapse with the heralding of touching.